Insomnia
by Aeryn Phoenix
Summary: One shot, FemPC/Sarevok, rated for smuttiness.


A/N: Okay, so what is this story about? It's a very weak excuse to write smut, that's what it is. I won't deny it. If you're not interested in Sarevok/femPC smuttiness, then this is really not a story for you. The very first idea for this story came to me ages ago, the first time I played through ToB, but I never wrote it because I am rather prudish when it comes to this kind of stuff. I recently submitted a Sarevok encounter to the Romantic Encounters mod for BG2 (which you should play because it's so very entertaining!) that was by far the steamiest thing I've ever written and this story is loosely based on that. So, I guess you can call me a recovering prude. I left the PC vague on purpose...I didn't even give her a name. Feel free to review and/or flame at your discretion.

Disclaimer: I don't own Baldur's Gate or any characters/places/events involved therein. Do I wish I did? Of course.

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Insomnia

I couldn't sleep. In truth, it was a problem that had followed me much of my life since leaving Candlekeep, but it had gotten absurd over the last several weeks. I suppose it would be easy to blame the Pocket Plane for being so dark and uninviting, or perhaps I could say it was Imoen's snoring when it rose to that earsplitting whistle late at night that caused my sleeping problems, but I knew both were a lie. It was the taint.

The calling of my father's blood grew stronger with each of my siblings that fell to my blade, and while my own skill and power expanded so did the strength of the taint within me. I fought it back, refusing the Slayer's urges to overpower me, but that did not make the hunger for murder any weaker. As trite as it sounds, most of my waking hours were spent in two battles – the one within as well as the one without.

I'd been staring at the ceiling for a few hours, waiting for exhaustion to force sleep upon me, but my body was almost twitching with restlessness, this strange urge to get up and _do_ something nagging at the back of my mind. Normally I would have ignored it, but on this night the urge did not fade as it usually did, and instead of the sleep I so longed for I only found myself feeling more anxious the longer I lay there. Finally, with an uneasy sigh, I threw off the covers and snatched a clean towel on my way to the healing pools, desperately hoping the soothing waters would ease the tension I could not shake.

To say that I was surprised to find another person had the same idea as I did at that late hour would have been a gross understatement. Sleep was a precious commodity among my companions and they coveted those hours of rest, even if they knew that I struggled to find peace myself. I can admit to being jealous of them, even bitter at times, and never before had I found any of them awake this late.

Sarevok's back was to me as I stood rather stunned in the doorway, unable to rip my eyes from the sculpted musculature of his powerful body. The dark, bubbling water covered him from just below his waist on down, and he stood in the center of one of the far pools rolling his scarred shoulders as if they ached. He'd long since ceased to be my murderous, power-hungry half-brother in my eyes, but I hadn't yet figured out what he was to me anymore…a friend perhaps. But seeing him then only served to confuse me more.

I knew going back to bed was worthless, but still I could not say what insane drive convinced me to stride into the room as if I knew what I was doing. I most certainly didn't. A small, childish part of me whispered that this was _my_ realm and Sarevok was my guest, and there was no way I would let his mere presence stop me from doing something I wanted to do. Only problem was, this "something" required me to get naked in front of a man who had a reputation for trying to kill me in the past. The fact that he was naked as well really wasn't helping matters.

"Aren't you a brave one." His deep, ever-caustic voice almost made me jump, but I managed a coolly indifferent glance at him as I claimed one of the pools that was not-too-close yet not-too-far from the one he occupied.

"Bathing makes me brave?" I asked, my hands surprisingly steady as I began peeling off my clothes. The rational part of me was finally starting to win out in my mind and I told myself we'd all seen each other naked many times in our travels. True, Sarevok and I had never been alone like this, but it was nothing we hadn't already seen after all.

"Or foolish," was his strangely cryptic reply.

I kept my back to him as my leggings and undergarments gathered at my ankles and I stepped neatly out of them and into the pool, casting a curious glance over my shoulder as I did so. Sarevok's eyes were perfectly trained on my face and I was privately impressed and possibly a little insulted by his indifference. Gods themselves could never destroy feminine pride. "There is a fine line between bravery and folly I'm told."

"Truer words have never been spoken," he said with the faintest hint of a smirk turning up one corner of his mouth.

I had to suppress a groan as the cool, soothing water caressed my skin, calming the aches and knots that accumulated throughout my body everyday. Tiny bubbles floated up from the bottom of the pool, tickling trails across my skin and drowning out the sorrow and worry that seemed to constantly fill my mind. This was by far my favorite room…actually it was the only room I liked at all. "Why are you awake?" I asked him.

My eyes were closed as I braced the back of my head against the edge of the pool and let my body drift weightlessly in the water, but I could feel Sarevok's eyes on me. "Why are you?"

"Couldn't sleep," I muttered with a lazy attempt at a shrug.

"Why not?"

For some reason his questions irked me, probably because he'd started asking them just so he wouldn't have to answer me. "I think you already know the answer to that," I coolly replied, cracking my eyes open a bit to stare at him.

He leaned back against the edge of his own pool and folded his arms behind his head, this arrogant, expectant look on his face as he pressed, "Why don't you just tell me anyway?"

"Why? Are you jealous?" The sharp words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I winced at the dark look that crossed his face. It was hard for me to understand why his questions about the taint and my own struggles bothered me so much, but they did. Perhaps a part of me was jealous of him…no longer a Bhaalspawn…no longer a pawn. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean…." I sighed, my eyes drifting to stare at the high ceiling above us. "Believe me, Sarevok, if I could trade places with you, I'd gladly turn the taint over to you and live a free life."

"Would you?" He gave a mirthless chuckle and shook his head. "And risk loosing someone like me on the realms again? No, you're too…_responsible_ to do something that selfish."

"I'm not so sure about that." And I really wasn't. The idea of being a normal woman, someone who could marry and have children, or adventure for the sheer joy of discovery, or get on a ship to wherever and just _go_ without a reason was like a vision of the highest heavens to me. "I don't think there's anything I wouldn't trade to be free."

"Free," he rolled the word off his tongue as if he were tasting it. "Is that what you think I am?"

"That _is_ what you are," I insisted, lifting my head up and sitting forward a bit to emphasize my point. "Whether you believe it or not, or accept it or not you have been given a gift beyond all measure -–a second chance at life, Sarevok. You are the only Bhaalspawn to have cheated your fate, the only one who did not fade to dust, fade to _nothing_."

"And I suppose I should bow at your feet and thank you daily for this gift, then?"

"What?" Now I was starting to get angry. "I never said that. I've never asked you for anything – in fact, _you_ begged _me_ to take you along!"

I wanted to smack the smug look off his face. He loved getting me riled, something he had been getting better at lately as my thick skin seemed to be wearing thin, so to speak, and I'd just given him exactly what he wanted. Bastard. "Are you afraid to die?"

I was still ranting at him in my mind, so the abrupt question caught me completely off guard. Trying - but failing - to relax back into the water again, I briefly pondered my response. "I…don't _want_ to die. But as for fear…I mean, what is there to fear, really? I will cease to exist, nothing more, nothing less. I can think of much worse fates." Sarevok's gaze was focused and very serious, so I asked, not really expecting an answer of any substance, "What about you? When you were…like me…were you afraid to die?"

"Yes." His simple, honest answer utterly blindsided me. "When I believed that I was the one Alaundo's Prophecy spoke of, the thought of dying terrified me. If I died, then it meant I was wrong, that I was not the one to assume our Father's throne…that I was nothing but dust."

I think my mouth was hanging open a bit as I stared at him, but his face remained stoic even as I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry. I think I just blacked out for a moment there because I could have sworn you just gave me a genuine glimpse at your real self."

Sarevok gave me a dry look and muttered, "And you wonder why I don't tell you anything."

"No, I…." He looked strangely amused, so I decided to push him farther, to see how much I could get out of him. A part of me wondered if he was drunk, but even drunk he wasn't open like this. "And what about now? Are you afraid to die?"

He looked away from me, an unfocused frown creasing his forehead as he pondered my question. I'd almost given up hope of receiving an answer when he suddenly shrugged and fixed me with an ironic smirk. "As you said, there are much worse fates than oblivion."

I took that as a yes. "Still," I said softly as I picked up one of the rough washcloths from beside my tub and proceeded to peel off a good three layers of skin, "I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat."

Sarevok was staring off again, his face unreadable as he considered my words. "Then you believe I should be grateful for everything I've lost."

"Sarevok…" I started, but my voice had taken on that Jaheira-like nagging tone, so I chose another tactic. "Let me ask you this then: what was so great about being Sarevok the Bhaalspawn?"

"What do you mean?" Sarevok shook his head at me, his tone incredulous as he said, "I had everything any man could ask for."

"But were you happy?"

His look of disbelief deepened, if that was even possible, and he demanded, "What does happiness have to do with it? I had wealth, power, women, anything I wanted was within my grasp! I could go anywhere, do anything, _kill_ anyone, and-."

"Except for me." I wasn't trying to gloat…okay, maybe just a little, but I kept myself calm and well composed as he stared at me as if I'd kicked him in the teeth. "Sarevok, even with your power and wealth and whatnot, all you ended up with when all was said and done was your pride. And what a cold comfort that must be."

For the first time I could remember, Sarevok was speechless. I relished that knowledge, although deep down I hoped that what I'd said truly sank in, but I expected at any moment that he'd bolt from the room. The few conversations of substance that we'd shared always ended with him walking away, unwilling to face the truths I tried to show him. I did not expect this one to be any different. "A cold comfort indeed."

His confession – because that is the only thing it could be called – was said so quietly that I thought for a moment that I had imagined it, but the sentiment was written in his eyes. As stupid as it sounds, I suffered a moment of guilt knowing that I was the one who had destroyed everything he'd worked his whole life for. He'd been nothing but evil ambition back then, but now that I'd learned more about the man who lay beneath and seen glimpses of the man he could have been, and still could be if he so desired, it was harder for me to feel good about having killed him. After all, what if our lives had been reversed? "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

His brow furrowed and I was sure he would ask me what I was sorry for, but after a pause he shook his head slightly and only said, "Don't be."

An awkward silence of sorts fell over us, so to distract myself I turned to unbraiding my hair, combing it straight with my fingers before dipping my head back to wet the unruly mass. I had allowed it to grow to an impractical length recently, but I refused to entertain the idea of cutting it – there were so few feminine things left about me and I could not bear the thought of losing another. I was about to reach for the soap when I realized I'd forgotten to fetch any from the shelf along the wall. The only way to reach it would be to climb out of the tub ass naked and walk all the way there and back, and my stomach rolled nervously at the very thought. Yes, I know how foolish it sounds – I could face an army of enemies, living or undead, take the form of my dead-god-father's avatar if need be, retrieve my stolen soul from a mad mage even, but not cross the room to fetch a cake of soap.

I thought about just waiting until Sarevok left, but a glance at him from the corner of my eye told me that he was not planning to leave any time soon. He was rolling his left shoulder again. He'd taken a nasty blow there the previous day and of course he'd refused to let anyone tend it. While a part of me cursed him for his stubborn pride, I also wondered if he perhaps refused healing for the same reason that I sometimes did. When Jaheira or Aerie used the power of their deity to close my wounds, it felt…_wrong_. The taint of Bhaal within me rebelled against the touch of the other gods. Perhaps Sarevok still felt the residual pains of such things, and I was glad that he was at least seeking these pools to help speed his healing.

I was almost ready to just gather my nerve and go get some soap when I noticed there was a cake of it beside Sarevok's pool. "Could I…" I started before I'd fully thought things through, "uh…use that soap?"

Sarevok looked at me strangely, then shifted his eyes down to the soap, then back to my face. "Be my guest."

He just stood there looking at me like I was nuts and I think I was blushing a little by that point, mostly because I felt so stupid for asking. "Could you toss it to me?"

Now he was definitely entertained. I suppose I can't blame him for wanting to taunt me after the serious nature of our previous conversation, but I really wanted to slap him as he drawled, "You can't get it yourself?"

"Can you please just toss me the soap?" My cheeks were starting to burn by then.

He snorted out a chuckle and informed me, "Woman, you have nothing I haven't seen a hundred times before. Or are you afraid that the cruel Sarevok, in all his depravity, will not be able to control himself when faced with your matchless beauty?" His icy mocking tone was offset by something behind his eyes that looked suspiciously like hate…only the hatred was not aimed at me.

"No," I answered probably a bit too quickly because his eyes narrowed a little. I struggled for words for a moment, but there were reasons for my hesitation to be too close to my former enemy that had nothing to do with anything he had done. The primary reason…I was not even willing to think about, let alone discuss, but there was the chance that someone could walk in and get the wrong impression, and of course there was also the matter of my own self-confidence. I had once considered myself to be an acceptably attractive woman, but after repeated torture, the Slayer's changes, and the general hardships that came with being on the road almost constantly, I did not know what to think of myself anymore.

Sarevok was studying my face closely, and I suppose some of my thoughts must have been broadcast across my features because his expression softened a bit. Without waiting for me to gather my wits, he retrieved the cake of soap and climbed out of his pool. I had the presence of mind to keep by jaw from hanging open as he made his way toward me in all his glistening glory, but I could not stop my wide-eyed stare. He was glorious to look at, all hard lines and muscle rippling under his dark, scarred skin. Despite his towering height and powerful frame, he moved with the quiet grace of a man who knew exactly what his body was capable of.

I swallowed hard as he crouched down at the edge of my pool and held out the soap to me, this big, smug smirk on his face. I looked at the soap, then back to his eyes, but I could not bring myself to reach for the very thing I'd asked for. The primary reason I hadn't wanted to get close to him was a secret I'd buried for a long time. I wanted him. As a woman it was not hard to find Sarevok to be an attractive man, but the desire I felt was far deeper than that. The taint was _drawn_ to him, fascinated perhaps by of the faint trace of its equal that still flowed in Sarevok's veins, and the closer I was to him the more insistent the call became. As I stared at him, struggling with myself, his expression changed, all mirth vanishing from his visage, and I knew why. My eyes had begun to glow with a dull, golden light.

Though this was usually an occurrence signaling that the Slayer was not far beneath the surface, Sarevok's curious stare told me that he knew this was something different. "I think there's something you've been keeping from me," he murmured.

"Sarevok…" I whispered back, but my will was failing me. He was so close, and so _naked_…I could not force myself to think straight over the sound of the taint practically purring in his presence.

I don't think he knew what to do right then, but he seemed too fascinated by my reaction to back away. He raised his hand a bit, offering the soap again. "Take it."

I knew what would happen if I touched him. I _wanted_ to touch him. But I was afraid; afraid that it wasn't my desire after all but only that of the darkness inside me; or that this was just another way for the taint to gain more control over me. My only other option at that point would have been to flee the room, but my own pride prevented me from backing down. So…I reached for the soap.

The tips of his fingers brushed my palm as I slid my hand over his, my nails coming to rest lightly on his wrist. An indefinable warmth spread up my arm, and I could see by the way his breathing changed, became more deep and deliberate, that he felt it too. The soap slipped from between our hands and landed with a plop on the hard ground as our hands twisted together, our slippery fingers twining around each other. His voice was a growl as he softly demanded, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"And what would I have said?" I whispered as I moved through the water closer to his crouched form. My heart was hammering in my chest and my fingers trembled in his hand, not from fear but from anticipation. The outside of my arms brushed against the heat of his inner thighs as I inched closer. "'The taint finds you enticing'?"

He was leaning over me, still balanced on the edge of my pool, his face moving toward me as if drawn by an irresistible force, and I could feel the heat of his breath against my lips as he whispered, "Only the taint?"

"I…" but the words were lost as his lips found mine. He had the softest, fullest lips I'd ever felt, something I could never had expected, and a sharp contrast to the hard calluses on his hand as he caressed the back of my neck. I held my breath, trying to control the raging need screaming through my body, and forced the kiss to be slow and unhurried. Unfortunately, Sarevok did not share my restraint, a low growl rising in his throat as his tongue plied my lips apart, his fingers twining in my damp hair. My thin thread of self-control snapped, and with a growl of my own I jerked him off balance and into the water.

He landed with an undignified splash nearly on top of me, his rough palms dragging me against him in his attempt to balance himself. I laughed at the inelegant display and my voice was almost unrecognizable to my own ears, low and lusty and filled with hunger. Sarevok's hard body pressed against me as he hesitated and stared down at me with an unreadable look, his breathing uneven. I could see the reflection of my golden gaze, now bright with the desire I'd denied for so long, reflected in his normal, pale blue eyes, and I wondered what he was thinking. Clearly I knew what his body wanted, the throbbing force of his need pressed firmly against my belly left little to doubt, but a man's body can easily belie his thoughts.

Finally I whispered, barely keeping myself from shoving him back against the wall and making use of his more than ready body, "Why do you hesitate?"

Sarevok's hands were twitching where they were pressed against my back, as if he too was struggling to control himself. "I could ask you the same question."

A predatory smile curved my lips and he mirrored the expression perfectly. "I-"

And then we both heard it - the shuffling sound of someone approaching the room. My eyes faded back to their normal color as we stood there rather stupidly staring at each other, and then I did the only thing I could think of. I shoved his head down below the surface of the water.

"Heya, sis," Imoen yawned as she stumbled sleepily to the doorway and leaned against it, blinking at me through blurry eyes. "I thought I heard a…geez! What're ya doing in here? Cannonballs?"

"Oh, nothing," I answered quickly as I leaned back against the wall of one side of the pool and tried to look casual in spite of the water splashed all over the stone floor. Even in a half-asleep stupor, Imoen could sense a lie a mile off, and she raised an eyebrow at me. On the flip side, of course, she was also very easy to guilt trip, a flaw I jumped on mercilessly. "I think I'm entitled to do whatever I want while the rest of you sleep like babies, thank you very much. It's not like there's anything else for me to do besides listen to you snore."

It was at that point that I truly realized for the first time in my life that Sarevok was an evil, evil man. I felt his hands under the dark waters brush against my knees, urging them apart, and thankfully Imoen's mind was still too foggy to see me squirm for a moment before I let him have his way or risk revealing his presence. I felt nervous and terrified and very vulnerable with him down there, but that did nothing to stem my rising excitement.

"Aww, come on don't be like that," Imoen was saying although I barely heard her. I had to clamp my teeth down on my tongue as Sarevok's sharp stubble rubbed against the inside of my thigh, his strong fingers inching up my legs moving so painfully slow. "Want me to try a sleep spell on ya again?"

"No," I all but yelped, covering up my slip with a cough as I did my best to ignore Sarevok's touch brushing against the incredibly sensitive juncture where my inner thigh met my body. "I'll be fine soon enough, Immy, don't worry about me, okay?"

Imoen had that unhappy frown she wore when she was genuinely concerned for me, which only happened when she thought I was having a breakdown of some kind. "Um…are ya sure yer okay?" I tried to give her a curious look, but Sarevok's teeth nipping at my sensitive skin was making it hard for me to think clearly. "Yer eyes are doing that…thing," she pointed out with a vague gesture.

"I'll be fine," I assured her with my best false smile. "I just need to unwind a bit. Alone." Gods but it was difficult not to beg her to leave, partly because I was beginning to lose control and I really did not want her to see that, and partly because I wanted so badly to lose control that I was starting not to give a damn if she saw or not.

She stood there another second, then shrugged and yawned again. "Suit yerself," she murmured before she padded off back to her bed. Of course I knew her better than to believe she was actually gone, so I focused my eyes on the doorway, exerting my will over the Plane, and slowly the wall extended until it covered the doorway. "Awww!" I heard faintly from the other side.

But my sister's complaints fell on deaf ears. I was practically snarling as I hauled Sarevok's head back above the water, and he glared at me even as he gasped for air. "I wasn't finished."

"Neither was I," I answered with a lusty smile, "but you're no good to me dead."

His whole body vibrated as a low chuckle rumbled through him, his arms sliding around my waist to pull me against him. "Then your opinion has changed on that subject."

"I never wanted to kill you," I denied, my voice dissolving to a strained moan as his lips found my neck, biting and suckling my sensitive flesh. "You never really gave me much of a choice." He was driving me backward toward the edge of the pool, his rough palms caressing my sides, cupping my breasts.

"Do you really believe there was a choice?" Sarevok's voice was muffled against my skin and he groaned loudly as I wrapped my legs around his waist. "We were destined to be enemies, destined for murder."

My back pressed into the wall, the full length of his passion throbbing against my warmth, and he pulled his face back to stare down at me. His bronze skin was flushed with desire, as I'm sure mine was as well, his breathing heavy as he struggled to restrain himself. With a simple shift of my hips, I eased myself down on him, both of us releasing a shuddering sigh as our bodies merged. I looked up at him, his face illuminated by my glowing eyes, and whispered, "So much for destiny."

His breath caught in his throat and he stared at me for several heartbeats as if he'd never seen me before. With an almost audible sound, our restraint snapped, and I gasped as he drove himself mercilessly into me, his fingers digging into my hips as the rough wall scrapped against my back. I buried my face against his muscular shoulder, biting down to try and stifle the moans tearing from my throat. His arms closed around me, his fingers delving into my wet hair and clutching at my back as if he wanted me even closer. The sound of his strained whisper against my ear, murmuring my name, sent me crashing over the threshold of release. His whole body tensed as his climax quickly followed mine, then we both went limp, his weight pinning me against the wall as we struggled to calm our ragged breathing.

The fact that it was over so quickly did nothing to dull the tingling satisfaction that thrummed through my body, and I couldn't stop a languid smile from appearing on my lips. I felt calm, delighting in the weight of his naked body pressed against mine, and a light laugh bubbled up in my throat. Sarevok stirred at the sound, his rough stubble scratching my cheek as he pulled his face back to stare at me with a searching but unreadable expression. "What are you thinking?" he asked me.

"That you are every bit as heavy as you look," I replied, my voice thick with laughter. For the first time in months, I felt alive and at peace – the taint within me was silent, not screaming for murder and blood, but almost…content. Sarevok was staring at me as if I'd lost my mind, but there was also a touch of amusement and something else I could not quite discern in his eyes. "Not that I'm complaining," I added.

Sarevok could not resist a chuckle and he shook his head at me. "You're as mad as Cyric, you know this."

He started to pull his body away from me, but I clenched my legs tightly around his hips and slid my arms around his neck. In spite of the wariness I could see in his eyes, I tilted his face down to mine and kissed him with a slow, deliberate passion. I felt a moment of smug satisfaction as his spent body began to respond again already, but I released him as I realized how utterly exhausted I was. "Oh, gods, I think you'll have to carry me to my bed," I groaned as I pushed him away.

He raised an eyebrow at me and said with dry amusement, "So all you really needed to get some sleep was sex."

I laughed as I dragged myself out of the pool and toweled off my skin, no longer concerned as his eyes drank in the sight of my body. "I think you have found the cure to my insomnia." I tilted my head at him and smiled. "Perhaps we will have to test this theory for a while to make certain."

Sarevok looked me over, a faint smile turning up the ends of his mouth, and said, "My blade is yours. Use it as you see fit."

Chuckling to myself, I made my way back to my bed, my feet stumbling a few times in my weariness as irresistible yawns brought tears to my tired eyes. Even before my head hit the pillow, I knew my companions would have a hard time waking me in the morning. For the first time in recent memory a deep, dreamless sleep descended upon me, and just before I lost consciousness I vowed to seek out my cure as often as possible.


End file.
